For most teens, the weeks leading up to prom and the end of the school year are full of fun and excitement. But for some teens, these high school rites of passage are a time of stress and anxiety.
Mental health providers at Akron Children’s Hospital typically notice an increase in phone calls, appointments, and admissions in the fall and spring weeks corresponding with local homecoming dances and proms.
“We see more stress and admissions for mental health concerns, including suicide gestures, these times of year,” said Laura Markley, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and pediatrician at Children’s. “There tends to be a lot of stress related to the end of the school year, tests, and changes in peer relationships. Prom can add to this, as some teens feel pressure related to inviting someone to the dance, being invited to the dance, and making it the ‘perfect’ night.”
Some experts believe the proliferation of social media use and the popularity of elaborate, public, and sometimes expensive dance invitations – known as “prom-proposals” – have only added to the stress.
With social media, there is 24/7 dialogue about “who is going with who” and the expectation to post photos and videos of proposals involving a skit, scavenger hunt, flash mob or some other clever stunt.
This added pressure to fit in and be part of the crowd can take its toll on teens who are socially awkward or simply don’t have the support or resources to keep up with the higher expectations.
“Some parents assume their child would never be the one to get so stressed out by something like that, or their child would never attempt self-harm,” said Dr. Markley. “However, all teens are at risk. Teens are emotional and have the potential to be very impulsive because their brains are still developing.”
In addition, teens are at greater risk the night of these dances, as a result of alcohol consumption and distracted driving. Statistics show an increased risk of an accident when many teens are in a car with a teen driver.
“Parents, grandparents, and other relatives should be aware of this added stress in the lives of their teens. Subtle changes in how adults talk to teens can make a difference,” said Dr. Markley.
For example:
•When it comes to high school dances, take the focus off “romance” and put it on fun, friendship and school spirit.
•Reassure your son or daughter that it’s okay to go to the dance with a friend, even a same sex friend, or a group of friends, rather than a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
•Avoid asking, “Who are you going to the dance with?” If you must, ask, “Are you planning to go to the dance?” instead.
•Avoid comments, such as, “Prom was the best night of my life,” as it sets up unrealistic pressure on your own child.
•Early on, discuss the costs associated with attending the dance (dress, shoes, suit/tux, hair and nails at a salon, tickets, flowers). Set a budget and state what you will cover and what your child needs to cover with his/her own money.
•Discuss the itinerary for the night, including transportation to and from the dance and who will be in your child’s group. Encourage your teen to attend his or her school’s “after prom” party, if available, as it is supervised and “locked-in” fun – keeping teens off the roads and away from private parties.
•Make a contract with your teen that if he or she is unable to access safe transportation for any reason, you will come and there will no consequences for contacting you. Teens are more likely to avoid a bad situation if they know they will not get in trouble when asking for help.
•In general, parents of teens should lock up all pills, including over-the-counter medications, and firearms. Often the difference between an impulsive thought and an impulsive action is access to the means to harm one’s self.
